Hanging In There

Hello Sweet Blog Angels

Sorry I’ve been MIA for the last few weeks. While I’ve been away I’ve had two more bronchoscopies and two frightening allergic reactions to medications.

Anyone keeping count that makes five bronchoscopies in two months. The staff at the hospital all know me now and bless them treat me as one of their own. As sweet as they all are I do hope I wont need their help again.

In the first bronchoscopy Dr. Matus tried to insert stints to keep my airway open but was unsuccessful so he decided I needed another bronchoscopy to insert High Dose Radiation directly to the area where the tumor kept trying to block those airways.

I must say as sweet and caring as the folks at the hospital are the folks at the High Dose Radiation dept. of the cancer treatment center have no clue of the emotional needs of a cancer patient. Suffice to say it was a miserable 9 hour experience which should not have taken half that time.

The good news in spite of their dreadful attitude they did get the job done and it appears they have stopped the growth of the tumor in that area. More great news, over all the tumor has shrunk between 5 & 10%!!!!! Yippee!!! Thank the Lord!!! Doctor did not expect to see shrinkage for another two weeks, he is thrilled but not as thrilled as I am.

I woke the morning after the first bronchoscopy with every muscle in my body hurting, even my eyelids. I couldn’t even walk without assistance. Jim called for an ambulance. It was determine I’d had an allergic reaction to a medication used during surgery. Bless him Jim attended to my every need. My daughter and granddaughter came by to do laundry and clean my house. Thank God for loved ones.

My treatments had been delayed for a week so I was happy to return to my routine. That is until I had a terrifying reaction to one of my Chemo drugs. In a matter of seconds I went from feeling fine to feeling as though I was going to die. It was comforting to have the staff jump into action. They all seemed to have a job and each did their’s to perfection. Although it seemed to take much, much longer, they quickly had me back to normal. The whole event left me so extremely weak I needed a wheelchair.

Jim & I have never celebrated Valentines day. Bless his heart Jim decided after all I’d been thru I needed a little something to pick up my spirits so he got me the most beautiful bouquet of a dozen long stem red roses. He proudly pointed out a “home made card” he’d “made” for me. I reality it was just a note but the words were a treasure as were the hugs that went with it. I love that man.

One of the side affects of radiation is fatigue. I hope you will all forgive me for not responding to your e mails or acknowledging receipt of your lovely cards. They do mean the world to me and I enjoy each and every one. I will try to respond as soon as I feel up to it.

Love, Hugs & Many Blessings

Bernie

Update

Hello Blog Angels

This thinking positive thing is really working for me and so are your prayers and well wishes. The Lord is really listening so I thank you and ask that you please keep it up.

When I was waiting my turn for radiation Thursday there was a gal who said she had just finish 4 months of Chemo, she never got sick once and didn’t lose her hair. I told her I’m going to be like her, I wont lose my hair and better still I wont get sick. ‘She said You Go Girl’ Well I’ve got one treatment under my belt and I haven’t gotten the least bit of nausea and I haven’t lost any hair. I think I’m doing great. Only 5 five more Chemo treatments, I can do that. Honestly I'm not so vain to be concerned about my hair, really it's not a big price to pay to regain one's health.

Someone sure got to my oncologist because he was a completely different man. He actually looked me in the eyes and answered my questions. To bad he wasn’t like that from the start, I might have even liked him.  

I really wasn’t looking forward to the ‘class’ with the oncology nurse. It wasn’t a ‘class’ at all, it was she and I talking, asking and answering questions, her giving me some interesting info, of course she had to tell me what might go wrong. Of course every time she said something could happen I’d say it wont and I believe it in my bones. I know the facts I just refuse to let anything negative take root in my brain. I am taking claim to all the good stuff. So far it’s working for me. None of the negative stuff has happened from either the radiation or the chemo but I am watching out for everything they told me to. And you can be sure I am doing every thing I should and not doing anything I shouldn’t.

They told me to take my nausea meds for two days even if I don’t get sick, I guess once you start with the nausea it’s hard to get it under control so you know even though I haven't needed it I will do as I am told.

As I suspected once I got past the front desk I found the people who really take care of the patients VERY nice and caring. A lot of the people there have had cancer themselves so they have walked the mile in my shoes and know what it’s like. Although it was a long day it wasn't unpleasant. Everyone made sure I was comfortable. Volunteers constantly came by bringing warm blankets, pillows, even asking if I needed a snack.

I get 4 IV two tiny ones of a mix of meds for nausea and anti-reaction meds and two actual Chemo drugs each given separately. If anyone is really interested in the drug names e mail me.

I am so glad I told Jim to drop me off and come home to rest. The waiting room is beautiful and the chairs and sofas are actually comfortable but as nice as it is sitting in a waiting room for 6 hours isn’t restful. I am worried about him, he is worn out, and he looks it. He surprised me by asking if I could drive myself Friday AM. I did and I did fine. I wish he didn’t feel obligated to do all the driving but he does and insists he will be back on duty on Monday.

Have a fabulous weekend. We plan to lay around, rest and recoup and get ourselves ready to do it all again next week. If you are counting only 29 radiation and five chemo treatments to go.

Hugging you in my heart

Love & Blessings

Bernie