Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Hanging In There

Hello Sweet Blog Angels

Sorry I’ve been MIA for the last few weeks. While I’ve been away I’ve had two more bronchoscopies and two frightening allergic reactions to medications.

Anyone keeping count that makes five bronchoscopies in two months. The staff at the hospital all know me now and bless them treat me as one of their own. As sweet as they all are I do hope I wont need their help again.

In the first bronchoscopy Dr. Matus tried to insert stints to keep my airway open but was unsuccessful so he decided I needed another bronchoscopy to insert High Dose Radiation directly to the area where the tumor kept trying to block those airways.

I must say as sweet and caring as the folks at the hospital are the folks at the High Dose Radiation dept. of the cancer treatment center have no clue of the emotional needs of a cancer patient. Suffice to say it was a miserable 9 hour experience which should not have taken half that time.

The good news in spite of their dreadful attitude they did get the job done and it appears they have stopped the growth of the tumor in that area. More great news, over all the tumor has shrunk between 5 & 10%!!!!! Yippee!!! Thank the Lord!!! Doctor did not expect to see shrinkage for another two weeks, he is thrilled but not as thrilled as I am.

I woke the morning after the first bronchoscopy with every muscle in my body hurting, even my eyelids. I couldn’t even walk without assistance. Jim called for an ambulance. It was determine I’d had an allergic reaction to a medication used during surgery. Bless him Jim attended to my every need. My daughter and granddaughter came by to do laundry and clean my house. Thank God for loved ones.

My treatments had been delayed for a week so I was happy to return to my routine. That is until I had a terrifying reaction to one of my Chemo drugs. In a matter of seconds I went from feeling fine to feeling as though I was going to die. It was comforting to have the staff jump into action. They all seemed to have a job and each did their’s to perfection. Although it seemed to take much, much longer, they quickly had me back to normal. The whole event left me so extremely weak I needed a wheelchair.

Jim & I have never celebrated Valentines day. Bless his heart Jim decided after all I’d been thru I needed a little something to pick up my spirits so he got me the most beautiful bouquet of a dozen long stem red roses. He proudly pointed out a “home made card” he’d “made” for me. I reality it was just a note but the words were a treasure as were the hugs that went with it. I love that man.

One of the side affects of radiation is fatigue. I hope you will all forgive me for not responding to your e mails or acknowledging receipt of your lovely cards. They do mean the world to me and I enjoy each and every one. I will try to respond as soon as I feel up to it.

Love, Hugs & Many Blessings



  1. Such wonderful news that the tumour has started to shrink. The unfortunate side effects of the Chemotherapy drugs are horrible but at least Thank God they are working. When my son was going through Chemo he had dreadful fatigue - but now he is back to normal and "fighting fit" as we say and working out at the gym every day. Keep positive. Take care.

  2. Lovely to hear from you Bernie and so glad the treatment is doing it's job. Hopefully you'll have no more bad side effects. Keeping you in my thoughts. Carol x

  3. It's so lovely to see you popping up Bernie and great news to hear the Tumour has shrunk earlier than expected and that your treatment is working so quickly its lovely that your keeping us informed too keep it up and hope to hear from you again with lots of other good news take care xx

  4. Hi my sweet girl - it's true what they say, sometimes it's no pain and no gain. It must be tiring and we don't expect to have replies to emails and cards - believe me Bernie, this is sweet manna from Heaven just to see you do a general post update and with positive news.

    You know, Len has a saying - 'how do you eat an elephant? - a bit at a time' - and you're chomping away there!! It's gonna be a mouse before you can say squeak!

    Sending you our love and hugs, as always, Di and Len xxx

  5. Aunt Bernie,
    We are so glad to hear the tumor is shrinking; hopefully that will mean it will be gone sooner than they project and perhaps you can stop the treatments early....one can hope. We love you and will continue to pray.
    Scott & Lisa

  6. Bernie, your news made my day! Sorry to hear about all the trials you've been through with the reactions, etc,- sounded dreadful; but you have had some wonderful early results it seems. So keep on with your regimen, one step at a time, day by day. Your priority is getting you well, so not to worry about emails, posting, etc. Just know you are being thought of each day, prayed for daily, and give Mr. Jim a big hug from all of us for his tender care. Wouldn't expect less for our Bernie! Many cyber hugs.

  7. Thank you for update..and know you and Jim will continue to be in pur prayers.
    Know you are more than a conqueror...! Blessings friend! Diane

  8. So glad to get an update, Bernie. I'be been checking on a regular basis to see if you've posted. I'm sure you've been through the mill but it sounds great that the tumor is shrinking ahead of time. It sounds as if you have a wonderful husband to help you when needed. Take care and know you're being thought of and prayed for by many..your hubby, too.

  9. Hi Bernie, I've been checking in here every few days and today it was wonderful to see you had written. Your post was exactly like I imagine you and Jim's life to be right now: a roller coaster ride. There is good news, then bad news, then good news, ups and downs. What I came away with is a sense of gratitude knowing that your cancer is shrinking faster than expected, that you have a wonderful step-up-to-the-bat husband, and that you are well loved by him and all of your friends. I'm sorry that you had to deal with so many "bad news" bits in there with the meds and treatment, but overall, it's a positive update.

    You know none of us want you to worry about thanks or attention. We all understand that you are totally and completely exhaustipated! One of the important factors in your recovery is that you rest and not stress so that your mind can concentrate on healing and calming thoughts.

    Love and hugs to you both, Darnell

  10. Dear darling Bernie,
    .. ah how my heart goes out to you and so know what you mean when you say things are not always done as quickly or as easily as you could see them being done when having tests and treatments, if only they could feel your pain and discomfit things would move quicker.

    .. am just recovering from second lot of anesthetic in six days.. not to be compared with yours as surgical check up for first one, but second is more hassle as tooth finally removed if not smooth path at least day surgery and out now..

    Still issues associated with it but know God will bring me through that in His time and way. When ill with other problems, minor things become bigger as I am sure you are finding out.. sadly..

    Wow, I just want to jump out of this computer and hug your Jim and family am so blessed to hear of your support - family make all the difference at such times dont they - they cheer and lift the heart when it reaches breaking point..
    So VERY pleased to hear of positives in spite of the negatives, and continue to pray for Gods guiding, blessing, uplifting hand to be with you daily in all things.
    love Shaz in Oz.x

  11. Best wishes Bernie, I remember reading an old Chinese proverb on a card once, "It is possible to move mountains by carrying away small stones". I hope each day improves for you :)Cathy x

  12. Hi Bernie (and Jim) . . . my heart goes out to the pair of you struggling along at the moment. Let's hope there are no more awful allergic reactions. I'm SOOOOO very pleased to hear the tumour is already shrinking.

    There's a lot of people rooting for you Bernie.

    Now go have a little nap or something . . . you need your sleep to help you recover. Will catch up with you another day.

    Sarn xxx

  13. Hi Bernie,
    Just found out via the playground. You are an inspiration to us all. So pleased to here the treatment is working. Lets hope you have no more allergic reactions.
    Hugs, Sally x

  14. Hello Bernie. Glad to read your news which seems to be more up than down this time, thankfully! Keep your chin up, even if it hurts, and get all the sleep your body is telling you you need.
    Hugs to you, Jim and your family.

  15. Bernie, so glad to hear your update. i am so sorry that you have had these extra health stuggles but glad to hear the regular hospital staff are so caring and warm.

    Sorry to hear the Cancer Treatment staff were less than required. Perhaps they see so much that they are overwhelmed and havve sort of "shut themselves off" emotionally.

    My DH had cancer for 3 long years and we did meet some staff who had done that...Sometimes i din't think they even realize that they are giving less than they should.

    Prayers continuing here for your success. Glad to hear you family is so supportive.

    Crafty hugs!
    Maureen aka Scrappymo!

  16. Bernie, I'm glad you hear that you are having good results and working through the speed bumps! Keep on keeping on. My prayers for you and your family continue.

  17. You are in my daily prayers Miss Bernie! Blessings to you as you go down this road that one does not choose, but your attitude is amazing and will see you through this! Jim is amazing! You both are and such a blessing to the other! I am sending you big hugs! Keep on fighting! I'll Keep on praying!

  18. Echoing everything Di has said above. You hang in there sweet lady. Hugs Mrs A.


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